I always believe that living in this world also means departing too. Life isn’t just all about rejoicing but also enduring pain throughout our existence. As we all know, surviving in this world can be a little tough sometimes.
Before my Dad passed away, the closest death of a family member I had experience was my grandmother, my Mom’s mom. I got sad but not as lonely as I had felt when my Dad died. Maybe because it was unexpected, unlike my grandma’s death. If someone’s going to ask me to describe or explain what I felt when I heard the bad news, I don’t think I can express it. I think my heart stopped for a moment before everything sunk in and processed in my brain.
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Losing someone who’s part of my whole life is unexplainable. I wanted to get angry with my Dad because I was expecting that he’s still going to change before he leaves us. And some part of me pities him because I know he still wanted to fight for his life but his body can no longer endure the pain. This kind of heartbreak is very different from the one that an ex-lover and friends could cause me.
Why does it hurt so much when someone we love died? Why do we need to feel grief when we can feel numb instead? I understand that death is part of our journey but is there any way for us to not feel any misery when someone passed away?
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Maybe the answer to this question is because they are part of our life and we didn’t expect that they would leave us one day. Maybe because we thought we could keep and have them forever only to find out that in the end, it’s impossible. Or maybe because their existence is what makes us feel much alive. No matter what the reason is, I’ll never forget this experience of mine.
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